Gotta get a workout in whenever you can, you know?

“When will it all end?..”

“What month is it?!”

My mom made cookies… I guess this means I’m “bulking” now…

“Nah bruh, I’m good. I know me better than anybody else. You ‘on’t know where I be cuz you don’t know bruh. I’m just chillin. I’m good.”

I have that effect on women.

Little bastard won’t leave me alone.

Trying to cool down after being outside this week.

Yeah, I’d say it’s about time for a cut.

“I think this is a pretty good way to meet my neighbors.”

“Did somebody order lobster? Cuz I’m about to get burned!”

Cat in the window.

Meeting at the library again.

Going in for the kill.

“I only offer to grill at these reunions to avoid spending time with the family, but shh… Don’t tell your mother!”

“What am I doing with my life.”

Dropped my phone.

I wrote a book recently and I just got my copy in the mail.

“Will you be needing a dessert menu or would you just like another bowl of soggy cigarettes?”

Old photo of me and my grandpa at graduation. He was so proud.

“You can keep going, man. I’m looking for a ‘fun’ ride.”

Most nights.

“You do realize you don’t ‘have’ to draw every day, right? I mean, sometimes it’s like you’re phoning it in last minute anyway so why keep doing it?”

“Welcome to the hotel’s ‘lonely business corner’ where you can get a complimentary brochure when you give me a polite, half-hearted smile and nod as you walk by.”

“Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate’s life for me!”

You look good, but maybe a construction site on a bridge isn’t the best place for a sexy photo shoot.

Lovely.

What I look like when projects aren’t working out… or when we run out of cookies…Equally devastated.

“Everyone in college is really there getting a BFA in ‘Crudely Drawing Dicks on Things.’ Whiteboards, bathroom walls, dirty cars, anything really. You develop a pretty diverse portfolio.”

“I like my women like I like my lattes… Ice cold and terrible for my health.”

“I was attacked by a great white – poodle. It’s just a scratch from my dog!”

You step on ‘one’ tail.

I helped her ‘eventually.’

“I didn’t think they could detain people at the carnival.”

“I work retail in a summer hot spot and I only wanna kill myself 95% of the time.”

So much fatter. So much lazier. So much more productive. (Procreate).

“We can just cut this thing out, right?”

Mom wanted a girl.

“Of all the bathrooms I’ve shot up in, ‘this’ is one of the nicest.”

“If your toaster doesn’t connect to wifi and give you real time weather updates then how good could your toast ‘really’ be?”

“Your old car? Yeah, I can give you 30 bucks and a coupon for half off Chex Mix.”

Well, it was almost a happy birthday.

“Lookin’ for a ride, sweet thang?”

“You know, you’re gonna get me fired if you keep bugging me at work.”

Always do a test drive-by before you buy a vehicle.

“I’m going for that sexy ‘grill marks’ look.”

…2 fucking days and I already lost a mirror.

“This would be beautiful if I weren’t so nauseous.”

“You just gotta air it out sometimes, ya know?”

Home, sweet home.

“Maybe you could trim ‘my’ bush some time, huh, hot stuff?”

Back to figure drawing during the summer.

“I’m dead.” “You’re not dead., you’re drunk.” “I’m ‘so’ dead right now.” “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

When you hear the ice cream truck but remember they won’t stop at your house because of the incident.

“Oh, hey! It’s you again!”

“I hope you don’t mind that I stripped in the parking lot. I wanted to top of my tan before posing for you artists!”

“Can you be quiet?! I’m trying to put my kids through college!”

“Please… Have a seat.”

Well, there goes my train of thought…

“No, I completely forgot sunscreen. Why do you ask?”

Only lost one finger this year!